One thing I know for sure: going outside makes you feel better! If you already feel great it makes you feel even better. I know I talk about this a lot. But I cannot stress it enough. While trying to find a great gym or yoga class or meditation practice or this or that is great, what I know is that the simplest thing to do will often get done. Just grab a coat, shoes, jacket, umbrella, hat and go out. There is a listening and a quiet that is around you when you go outside. Even in the freezing cold or the extreme hot, the wind, the rain, the elements.
It will stop your repetitive, redundant, and monkey minded thinking. It will create space and allow for ideas to pop in. I often call this "yoga off the mat" because walking brings it all together just like Yoga; the union, of body, mind and soul. My favorite way to walk is in nature but even if I can’t get to a beach or a park or a hike among trees, just the walking and breathing and moving will do it.
Mastering our mind is the goal. People you look up to, people who inspire you -- they still have worry, fear, stress, anxiety, tension but they have figured it out for themselves. It is personal to everyone. They have figured out what they need to do so they can do what they want to do anyway, even if they are scared to death. That is the goal. To be able to conquer your thoughts that hold you back so you can be what it is you want to be. To quiet the noise in your mind so you can hear your gifts and your contributions and share them.
So take a walk. Try it out this week. When your thinking is getting the best of you. Stop and go outside. See what happens. Share it with me! I would love to hear your experience. Have fun with this.
On another note. Big news in our coaching community:
I will be starting a coaching group in April. If you are ready to bust through your blocks, your mental challenges and allow yourself to get to it then please join our group.
We will meet weekly (on the computer from wherever you are). I will be doing a group coaching call, a yoga and meditation class, coaching exercises and expert interviews and more. Keep an eye out for the info. I can’t wait to get started!
Happy happy Tuesday.
Grief. A feeling we don't usually want to feel but so important to. To go through the feeling and experience it. Makes your heart bigger. Opens you to the reality that is. Not your preference of what you want but what really is.
Grief for me has been so much about the ending of something I still wanted. I wanted someone to still be alive, I wanted our family to still be together, I wanted to still live there, I wanted to get a do over . . . grief occurs because things end. Things change. The ending and changing of things is a guarantee. Sometimes we are okay with it so we don’t really notice grief but sometimes we aren’t and then grief strikes. I have learned to, pain or no pain, step into this. I have no choice.
It is the allowing of this that is the healing. Like self care really because we can’t judge it (oh geez, I shouldn’t care about this or I knew this was going to happen, why do I feel so sad). Death, especially, is a great reminder of so many things. Whether it is the death of an icon like Kobe or someone close to you it reminds us that we have no control on how long we are here, none. When our time is up our time is up.
This isn’t just a quotable quote. This is a way to live. To be fully in your skin, your life, doing what you are choosing to do; living, learning and growing.
If grief strikes you hard, these are a few things that have helped me:
Happy Tuesday, even in grief.
Let me start by saying that if you are frustrated then you are probably ready to do things differently!! So that is great. It sometimes takes frustration, anger and pain to get us to move off the step we have been sitting on. This can be scary but when the agony of where you are is hitting a crescendo then moving forward into the unknown can feel like a relief.
Whether your frustration is mild or tipping on excruciating let’s dig in for a minute. First, notice if is this frustration about something you can or cannot control? We are talking about the frustration that is in your control. When you are in your own way.
In coaching, we often talk about coherence and incoherence. When our actions and what we want are aligned it feels good. When our actions are incoherent then we experience frustration. Bringing your actions into alignment with what you want in your life gives you energy. However, the path isn’t always a straight line. We are often moving up, down, zigging and zagging and yet seeing even a small step forward will give us the feeling that we are on the right path.
For example, if it is important to me to be healthy and physically fit, I make a plan to walk every day for ½ an hour. When I take my morning walk (coherence), I am satisfied and I feel a sense of accomplishment. When I don’t do it (incoherent), I can start telling myself, “ugh, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this every day, why did I even think I could commit to something like this, and so on” and I feel frustrated.
What is crucial is that we just realign to our plan. Just get back on the horse. If we beat ourselves up when we don’t do what we said we were going to do, it makes it worse. That makes it harder to just start walking again.
So, using this example:
Remember, it is okay to get support when you need guidance to move through a place where you may have a lot of frustration. It can be helpful. Please reach out if you need support or have a question!
Love you all and happy Tuesday!
Let’s quiet that mind!!!!! Right?!!! Aren’t you sick of circular, negative self-talk? It does nothing for you. It stops your growth and your progress and defeats the whole purpose of being here! Take that risk, do something you have wanted to do your whole life . . . we are given some time here, no guarantee how long. So, I want to encourage everyone to get out of their head and into their life; physically, mentally and spiritually. Let’s do it.
So, what can you do when you feel that crazy self-talk bubbling up? Here are 3 things to try:
Pain. Not necessarily a fun subject, but let’s dig in anyway. Pain: physical, emotional, mental . . . whatever form it takes is showing up to teach you, to push you to grow, listen, learn something. But what?
This is where the real pain can start. I can remember laying on the bathroom flooring sobbing (sounds dramatic but it is the truth) and begging for the lesson, the learning, “WHAT am I supposed to be learning here. Please, show me.” Well, it takes as long as it takes.
And if I learned anything (I have learned a lot from pain) being in the moment and walking into it and through it is the only way. Have you ever been walking and then it starts raining and you keep walking and then it isn’t raining any more? You walked through it. If you stood there, in the rain, saying why is it raining, ugh this rain, I hate rain, I am getting soaked -- you would be getting wetter and wetter. When you walk through it you get to where it isn’t raining any more, under shelter, inside, or it just stops. The going through it and not stopping part is so important because sometimes the message, the learning, isn’t obvious right away and you need to keep going to “get it.”
The good thing about it is, it means you are sooooo close to a breakthrough. We already have so much going on and then severe pain is thrown in, it is challenging to keep walking through it. Support is necessary. Not because we are weak but because we are courageous and strong and Determined.
I coach a lot of my clients to stay the course, stay steady in the midst of turbulence, in the rain and wind . . . there is sun on the other side!!! When you hit the storm, breathe consciously. Inhale to count of 4, hold to count of 4, exhale to count of 4. Gradually build count that to 5,6,8...10. Keep it even. Equal inhale, hold, and exhale. Watch as your mind gets calm. It is a life saver.
Thinking of you all and sending love in rain and shine!!!!
This week my daughter turns 19!!!! Wowowowow. So happy for her and her college adventures. It is also a birthing anniversary. So I say happy birthing day too. To all the mamas. This was a big day for you. You birthed a human being. You brought this soul onto the planet and into this human experience. It was a transformation for you, too, mama.
You changed from that moment on. And wow, have you grown. Every birthday for that little one was a birthing of your growth and development and change and evolution. The tiny being comes out 100% dependent on us to help them survive and thrive. We give, we nurture, we teach, we love, love, love and slowly we have to start to let go. Little by little our heart may be ready but sometimes it aches for the connection with the little one, who needed us that much. It is ok mama to feel that. As Mr. Rogers says, “it is ok to feel two feelings at the same time”.
The loss of the little one and pure joy for the grown one. Mama, I see you and I am here for you. It is big and it is real. Our heart grows and expands and cracks and breaks and keeps on growing; pain and joy are sometimes intertwined in mothering. Mothering teaches us that change is a constant and something that is guaranteed. Every stage and age is ever moving.
Just when you learned to love that age and stage, it is over, without warning, just gone. Being present is one of the most important lessons too, otherwise, you miss the smooth, simple stage that is filled with ease and then BAM thrown into a challenging, crazy making, button pushing stage. But “this too shall pass” becomes a mantra and it does – pass. When you look back it is an amazing ride. Guiding a person to their calling, launching them onto their own road and wishing it all lasted a little longer.
So, to all the mamas out there: Happy birthing day . . . you are amazing, it is a miracle, you are miraculous you are.
Here we go . . . 2020 . . . new decade. Wow, it is fun to make that mean something big and grandiose. However, it is really another day, like any other. Within it is the total potential for all things or not, depending on you and what you want to do with it.
The cool thing is that every day and every minute and every second is an opportunity to start over, to start fresh, to recreate and reinvent! If you slept in and didn’t do your morning plan . . . well do it tomorrow. If you ate some food you didn’t want to eat . . . well make a different choice the next time you are presented with the choice. If you stopped what you were doing to do a common task for someone else (OPP, other people’s priorities) . . . then take note and SEE that this is happening so you can make a different decision about it next time this arises.
Seriously it is that simple. We spend sooooooooooo much time beating ourselves up for the “fail”. THAT is what really costs us days, years, health, well-being, mental sanity, etc. The actual skipped this or that that we didn’t do, if we acknowledge it and then correct the course, then BAM we are back on track.
When I am teaching yoga, I always remind my students that the practice is yours not the person next to you or behind you or me in the front. It is yours. It is your body, your mind, your injuries, your stress, your focus, Do what you can and feel good about it. Not do what you can and feel less than, not flexible enough, not thin enough, not this or that.
So much of the time we make a “mistake” and then throw our hands up and say well, it will never work, I can’t do this, and so on. What if you could see it for what it is, take the responsibility and then get back on track . . . right away! That would be a life changer, game changer, time saver. I think that is why so many intentions, goals, or resolutions do not get done. We all or nothing it. That is a monkey mind situation that totally holds us back. We are trying something new, we slip back to old ways, we see that, get up, dust off and get back to it! Period.
No hassling ourselves. If a child tried to ride a bike and fell and fell and fell and then RODE it . . . and then fell. Would you say, that is it, you aren’t going to be able to do this? Obviously NO. So, don’t do that to yourself. Don’t wallow in your misstep just get back to it ASAP. Period.
We can do this!!! Are you willing in 2020 to do this? When you make a mistake or revert to old ways or forget your new plan, are you willing to acknowledge that and then BAM get back on track?
When you revert or forget or don’t do what you wanted to do, please just SEE it, acknowledge it and then get back on the bike….deal? Deal!!!!
Happy, happy New Year!!!!
What is it you want to “be” in 2020? Not more to-dos but more I ams.
I am kind
I am creative
I am generous
I am successful
I am living abundantly
I am loving
I am patient
I am willing to grow
I am excited about my future
What are you willing “to be” that you have tiptoed around but haven’t jumped fully into? Let’s do it. Let’s jump in fully. Yes, maybe scary . . . maybe the what ifs pop up.
What if I can’t
What if I don’t
What if it’s too this or that
But guess what? What if it was more than you can even imagine?
Are you willing?
Time is going to pass anyway. Another year is going to come and go. So, let’s do something together that would make a difference in your life. As James Clear says in his book, How to Create Atomic Habits, if you can be 1% better every day, in creating your new habit it is like compound interest, the results will start stacking.
So, if it’s self-care or you have put OPP (Other People’s Priorities) ahead of your own then just commit to one small – and I mean small – new habit a day that moves the needle just 1%.
Like what, you ask? I am going to do one small thing for myself every day. Making myself a Priority. List out some ideas so you don’t “forget” and put them in your phone.
It could be things like:
Monday: Have my favorite tea (and acknowledge it. Savor it. Rushing to pick up a kid with your tea in the to go cup isn’t the same thing hahahaha)
Tuesday: read the Tuesday Tidbit (hahahaha)
Wednesday: Take a 10-minute walk
Thursday: Sit outside under a tree (for 10 minutes)
Friday: Take a bath
Saturday: Read a good book (go small-10 minutes)
Sunday: Write for 10 minutes a day.
Take 10 minutes today and just list out, stream of consciousness . . . so that you have a list to pick from. Believe me, sounds silly but if you are like me, sometimes you can’t even think of a small act of self-care. Be prepared for when you have a free ½ hour all of a sudden! What could you plop into that space that would mean something to you? You need to be able to go look at your list and pick one. Otherwise it might get filled with something you need to do for someone else.
It will get easier and it will be fun. Your brain will be grateful and it will become a habit!
For example: if I am willing to take better care of myself. I am committed to walking for 10 minutes, 5 days a week (or three days). Remember it is small so that we are successful. Make it seem too easy. Don’t monkey mind yourself into making it too big. The mind can get loud here: “Three days won’t do anything”.
Well maybe three days won’t do anything after 3 days but if you do three days for a year it will have made a difference. I love this 1% idea. When I am coaching clients, I always talk about taking “a small sweet step”. It is another way of saying it. The thing is small steps move mountains with consistent and continuous actions. That is what makes the difference. That is where your monkey mind might enter:
This is stupid.
This isn’t going to do anything.
I need to go big or go home.
Ugh I can’t.
Yes, you can. You need to be willing.
Willing to try. Willing to want it and willing to jump in. Tony Robbins always says that the difference he has seen in working with hundreds of thousands of people is that the successful people have a hunger. That is what drives them.
It could be the hunger to make a difference, to contribute, to live better, to love yourself more, to take care of yourself, to be something.
The hunger is personal to you.
I am hungry.
I am willing to be hungry.
Reinvent, reimagine, rediscover . . .
2020. A new decade. What, will you look back on and say, “wow, I am so glad I jumped into that and just went for it”.
I was willing and now I am____________.
Tell me. Share. I would love to hear from you.
Thanks for listening this year. Thanks for participating with me and being a part of my journey as a coach. I have loved your stories and success. That is just the best!!!! I love it. So please share with me. Thank you thank you thank you.
Let’s all grow!!!!
Happy Tuesday and happy new year.
If you have any friends who would like my Tuesday Tidbit, please spread the word!
I am growing!
Thanks for helping spread the word.
Holidays are upon us. I hope you have all been able to place some down time, self-care, relaxation and just plain chill time into all that is going on. This time of year is such an example of everything; the ups and downs, the hectic and calm, the sweet sentimental and sometimes the stressful and crazy making.
It is like life itself. It is all there. In every moment the beauty and the pain. The light and the darkness. As we grow and change and keep peeling those layers of the onion we are met with lessons. Some are fun and some are not. Either way they have come to us for a reason and walking through it is the hero’s journey. Joseph Campbell speaks of the hero’s journey; our call to adventure, where we through a crisis, become victorious and hence transformed.
Our life is this adventure. We continue to grow and change and fulfill our purpose, being present in the moments, listening to what we need to hear, the guiding and revealing of our next steps and taking actions that align with the mission we are on.
My prayer and wish for all of you is that you tune into yourself, deeply listening to the call of your heart, revealing what it is that you are to do and that you do it. No matter what. We need you to be you, the brightest, biggest you that you are meant to be. Lay down the fear and worry, rest it, let it float away and bring yourself fully to this new decade.
Take this last week of the year and think about this. Stew on it. What do you hear? Can you hear what you are trying to tell yourself? What do you need to do? Why? If you don’t know then quiet the noise around you. Walks are very powerful for me. I “hear” a lot when I am walking. I get many messages. Try it. Keep trying things until you “hear” it.
Let’s accept this adventure and transform ourselves and the world by being fully who we are meant to be!!!
Happy, happy Tuesday
Well, as we are coming into the holidays; kids getting out of school, shopping, food prep, gift giving, parties, teacher gifts, holiday events, work parties, etc. – I want to say; relax and take a time out!!!! Whenever you need it! Really, seriously, promise?
I am committed to this and, wow, what a difference it is making. Even sitting for 15 minutes and doing a puzzle or resting with your cat (who is the master of relaxation and self-care hahahahaha). Find these little moments in your day to take a time out. This is the gateway to staying healthy mentally and physically! So interesting that this year, my son is not in a traditional school and he hasn’t been sick once (neither have I). Less stress, less driving, less germs, more resting, more drinking water, better eating and it all adds up.
I was reminded recently about my need to drink ½ my body weight in ounces. I thought I was drinking a lot of water but when I really measured it, I saw that I was not drinking enough. That little, conscious shift helped me feel better (and it was an easy tweak to my day).
Just a tidbit to observe and see where you can pump up your self-care so that your health can benefit. I think I used to think of self-care as luxurious; nails (which I never do), hair, spa day, vacations so it always felt like too much.
For me self-care is the little bits all day long that are taking myself seriously when I need to just stop, stop doing and rest, relax and be quiet. Hope this can be a reminder to allow yourself the time out you may need. To not over think it or make it so big you don’t do it. Just to take yourself seriously and allow for the space to BE.
Love you guys. Hope the meditation is also adding care to you.
Courtney Gebhart, Life Coach, Kundalini Yoga teacher, and Human Being.