What does success mean to you? Everyone has their own idea of what it is. I love our definition in coaching: “Success is doing what you said you were going to do with clarity, focus, ease and grace.”
What does that mean?
Knowing with CLARITY what is important to you (I am willing to be a successful entrepreneur, a loving mother, physically fit and healthy, a contributor to my community) and setting goals to bring those things to life.
FOCUS: we use the 6 forms of energy to make these goals a reality.
EASE: learning to do SIMPLY what is next, moment by moment, small sweet steps.
GRACE: having gratitude even when it may be challenging or rough, learning and growing are sometimes painful. Nevertheless we can be grateful, even for the simplest thing, our morning tea or seeing a butterfly. Sometimes getting to the next level in our evolution requires some metamorphosis (the butterfly, the frog) and we can even be grateful for that, trusting that going through it will bring us to something new. It is important to have support here!
Often when we think up ideas, visions and possibilities, we get excited, there is a weightlessness about the creation in visionary reality. It is light, energized, exciting. When we then bring it down into physical reality and start taking the steps and actions that will create it, we are met with gravity. That is when we get challenges, push back, monkey mind and on and on.
All of this is normal when we are doing something new. Supporting you to “be successful”, doing what you said you were going to do, one action at a time, pushing through the internal blocks and the monkey mind of worry, doubt, and fear to achieve the things that mean so much to you is what I love about coaching.
Reach out if you need support. We can chat and see if coaching is right for you. In the meantime, keep up with the meditation for burnout! That eight-count breath is magic to the brain!!! Awe, enjoy!
Wow. When I heard Brene Brown say,
“If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself”
I nearly ran off the road. That is just so profound. If you are like me, a recovering people-pleaser, then maybe you will relate to the weight of this comment.
I love it too, in terms of coaching because we are always talking about the monkey mind (our worry, doubt and fear) and how that affects taking action. When we are consumed with monkey mind, in this scenario, we would not say anything, hence no conflict yet the war inside begins.
What greater way to challenge yourself and your ability to quiet your monkey mind than to know you need to say something that will create conflict but if unsaid will start a war inside yourself. WOW.
In coaching we also talk about coherence -- acting in alignment with our path, flow, life’s intentions (we get clear on this in coaching). Or incoherence -- making decisions that are not aligned with our life’s intentions. This statement sums up so much about living authentically; being on your “hero’s journey”; coherently making decisions that align with your purpose and observing the gap that occurs when you don’t.
This gap is where coaching can be supportive. When you see what you need to do, are willing to do it, and yet aren’t doing it. Reach out if you need support or have questions. Practice the meditation, the quieting of the monkey mind so that you can “hear” and “see” the small sweet actions you need to take toward your purpose.
Summertime and the living is easy . . . hmmmm, don’t you sometimes feel like you’re doing summer wrong? For most of us summer is far from easy and with upended schedules, all kinds of social activities, and that overwhelming urge to ENJOY summer, this season can be as hectic and stressful as the holidays!
And that’s where our meditation practice comes in! As we’ve talked about, meditation is calming for your nervous system and you need it the most when you're just doing a lot. And I love that you can do it anywhere! Even in the parking lot as you wait for your kids or at the park before you head out for an afternoon with family. Give yourself this gift this summer. Just five minutes a day will benefit you and once you’ve built that “meditation muscle”, it will become routine (and you’ll actually miss it if you don’t do it!).
If you’d like to join us in the Summer Burnout Meditation, just sign up for our newsletter. (Click here to sign up). I’ll send you the video right away. I encourage you to practice this meditation for at least 40 days straight and give yourself a minute or so of stillness after you finish it. Pay attention to how you feel afterwards. This is also a great before bedtime meditation to share with your kids!
Have you ever compared your now self to your past self or your younger self? I laugh because it's kind of just a setup. The funny thing is that it's a set up for disaster because we cannot ever compete with our old selves, the self that was the younger self. If you've ever looked at yourself in a picture and thought, "Oh, if I only looked like that or was in that position now." But yet you remember what you were thinking then when that picture was taken and it wasn't like possibilities and I look fabulous and right, isn't that interesting?
So what is it that we want the next 50 to be like? It's up to us.
If we can think it, we can start to project it into ourselves to believe it and to take action toward it. It's so much of life and around life is telling us kind of at this age that: "Well, you've lived a good time. You know, now just kind of pack it in and wait to hit the road. I guess." I don't know, but I'm not ready to hit the road yet. Meaning the Rainbow Bridge to the other side.
I want to do more.
I want to contribute more.
I want to see more.
I want to live more.
And I want us to all work together to have it be the way you want it to be for yourself.
And it's different for all of us, right? We all have different visions and dreams, but I want to encourage us to step into it and make it take the lid off and explore what it is that you, if you could do anything and yet 50 more years, what would you do?
Come on. Let's think about it. The next 50.
These are the little guys making so much noise in my video!
Let’s talk a little bit for about perfectionism. It's such a drag. Why does this creep into our brain from time to time? I feel like I have let myself off the hook for being perfect and yet it creeps in there every now and then and I'll think: why am I worried about this? Or why am I stressed about this? And then I realized it's because I want to do a good job or I want it to be good. And that's perfectionism really.
Because if I didn't care, I knew I would just do my best and do it, then that would be enough. Right? And so the worry about the result is what causes that anxiety in the moment.
I recently had an audition and it was so fun cause I haven't seen a lot of people that I got to see. And I love that. It's kind of an old community that I miss. And so when I have an audition, I get to see old friends. It's really fun. My friends and I were talking about, because of our age and stage there's less auditions for us. And so we're not as quite in the routine of audition, audition, audition, which makes it much more casual and less nerve-wracking, right? And when you just get one out of nowhere, it's a little bit more stressful.
And so why is that? Because we want it to be good. We want it to be perfect. We want to book the job, right? And so all of that is a monkey on our back. And so it was actually such a great conversation and we alleviated our perfectionism by releasing that deep conversation together.
And it was great and freeing, but I thought, you know what? It's like just when you think you don't have that happening, it happens, right? So it's kind of an ever-present awareness of letting yourself off that hook of being perfect, of making it right. Just do it and not worrying about the result.
It's hard sometimes because we want something or we want to do it well or we want to be good. But really that just causes stress and anxiety. And so as much as we can focus on what we're doing, then our consciousness and our awareness is in the action instead of the result, which causes that tension.
Hope you guys are having a good day.
Well, schools are pretty much out and it’s the Mom over-drive season! Whether you have a graduate and are looking at, “Yikes, now what?” or you have a full house or somewhere in between, this is the season to TAKE CARE of YOURSELF.
I need this reminder daily as I schlep, organize, drive here and there and back again to here and there. Don’t get me wrong I love this job and I know it is ever-fleeting but we cannot put ourselves on that back burner!!! How is that 3-minute meditation going? Are you doing it? Yeaaaaa!!!! If not no shame, no blame, no problem. Just jump back on it. It will make a difference. I promise you. Some days it is my salvation, my “Calgon”.
Do you remember that commercial, “Calgon take me away….” Hahaha. I don’t even know if it still exists but, man, we are still needing that break! At this time of year, I always feel like the energy is similar to the holiday scramble. Sooooo relieved to be released by the demands of the school schedule yet floundering a bit to find a rhythm. And one that works for all of us and so I don’t get sacrificed in the process.
I’ve found that especially as I have stepped deeper into entrepreneurship and new ventures, it has created a new “uncomfortable” around scheduling myself and everyone else. Life learning, life lessons, be kind to yourself! Meditate, chant (sing, if so inclined), walk, be in nature, girl time, laughter, animals and pets, podcasts, what else helps you? Tell me your recharge. What is it you do when you need to refuel your soul energy?
As we enter into the summer solstice energy with a half of a year in front of us, what do you want to do for yourself? What do you want the end of 2019 to be you can feel soooooo satisfied that you took yourself seriously enough to spend time on you and did _____________?
Let’s inspire each other to do something for ourselves. Let’s harness the summer solstice energy and create what we want for ourselves in the second half of 2019! Big, small doesn’t matter what but let’s do it and share it! Can’t wait to hear from you all.
Happy Tuesday and beyond!
It’s funny that they say, “growing pains,” when a kid is growing. As they push into their body and it starts expanding and literally is growing inches, pain occurs. Like when the baby teeth are pushing through the gums, when the big teeth push the little teeth out, when your bones and ligaments and all the tendons lengthen and stretch as you grow.
It also refers to transitions in development; infant to toddler (falling thousands of times before the reward of walking is earned), child to teen (being socially awkward and hormonally challenged as the brain is also undergoing shifts), and it continues to adulthood. It seems that most of our growing comes from pain, we are forced into a situation where we have to grow to move on. Like a crazy video game where you are zooming along and then bam you can’t advance to the next level until you go through some crazy, intense, sometimes seemingly impossible growth spurt that then catapults you way forward into a land you never even knew existed!!!
Growing pains from transitioning into our 20s, 30’s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and more. Each of these stages is different for each person. No two journeys are alike. Sometimes the growing pains can come from an event: a serious illness, a death of a loved one, our kids moving out, divorce, death of a pet, loss of a job etc.
Why does it take a crisis for us to grow? Why can’t things just be humming along and then we say, “wow, I think I will grow now?” Hahahahahaha, sounds ridiculous just saying it because it is so not the way it works. So, whether you are on a roll, in the flow, having come out of a growth spurt or if you are entering a challenging time, feeling like the dark hole will never end …know and have faith that it does. The one thing for sure is that change is a guarantee.
Ever more the reminder to be grateful when we are sailing with the wind and when the storm hits, grateful for where we are growing into and where we will emerge. Give yourself time and space to grow, even when it hurts. Because imagine if we stopped trying to walk after the 1000th fall, if we just gave up and became a forever crawler. . .hahahaha right?
Happy Tuesday in whatever stage you are in. I am thinking about you and sending love!!! Thanks for joining me weekly for these tidbits.
And so today I am now officially the Mom of a high school graduate and soon to be college student. My nest will be one bird less. My heart bursts in so many ways. As our kids go through their developmental stages so, too, do we go through our parenting stages and this is a big one.
I remember Mr. Rogers saying it was okay to have two feelings at the same time: happy and sad, scared and excited, and today it is many, many, many more than two. Another reason meditation is so important in my life. To allow for all the feelings and emotions, to be able to move gracefully through me and for me to still keep my sanity and presence in the moment. It must be a daily practice for me and my mind. (If you’d like to give it a try, you can find the monthly meditation here).
As I sat at UCLA having a matcha, hahaha, waiting to walk over to my daughter’s graduation, I had a parenting flash back. Like the old movies where the calendar pages fly off in snow, rain, wind and sun and year after year blows by … from pregnancy to singing happy birthday as she was born to the red bench at preschool, the birthday parties, play dates, pets, burying the pets, waiting and watching and driving to horseback riding, ice skating, volleyball, service learning projects, internships, haircuts, school, homeschool, France, Israel, Newport, the ocean, boogie boarding together, hiking … watching her grow and develop. I love her so. I wish for her to stay true to who she is, her “knowing” what is right for her, to love herself, her adventures, to see her missteps as learning and to always have loved ones around her.
My Mom journey continues too as I grow and learn and adventure out. Life is a trip, enjoy it, make the most of it, touch and reach out to others, “be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Happy Tuesday and happy graduation to any of you having graduates. Join me as we step further into our next steps, whatever they may be. Let’s do it!!!!!!
If you need any coaching please get in touch. Also email me if you have questions about the meditation. I love hearing from you.
Have you heard this before, “things happen for you, not to you.”? For you to grow and learn and develop. When you have a challenge, big or small, the question that needs to be asked is, “what am I supposed to learn from this?” Sometimes this is sooooo darn hard. When the circumstance feels brutal: divorce, bankruptcy, health crisis, a death etc. to ask what am I supposed to learn, can just piss you off.
However, once you travel through the anger and pain, when you can step back and “look” at it you will see an answer. Then you step into the lesson and learn it so that you can move on and don’t have to repeat and repeat (and the lesson grows in intensity so you want to get it sooner rather than later!!!). How do I know this? Hahahahaha I have asked and not gotten the answer or not wanted to look at the answer and have then been dealt the gnarlier blow to force me to see the answer. Either way it is brutal but if you grow from it, then it will never be brutal for the same lesson, you will be moving forward, growing.
This isn’t a straight line, it zigs and zags and sometimes we take three steps forward and one step back, 4 steps forward, 2 back. For me recently I saw a situation with so much clarity. I had been hammered and had continued to set myself up for the hammering by doing the same thing and not understanding why it was happening. Then I realized “ahhhhhhh, I get it, I will do things in a new way” and I did and guess what? It worked!!!! Things got better for a good 8 months and then I slipped and went back to my old way of handling the situation and BANG, I got hammered!!! Soooo clear. Not so fun but so clear.
When you see it like that you can then get support or help you stay on the path that works. That can be a coach, a friend, a support group, a sticky note reminder, a note in your phone, an alert you set, a part of your journaling etc. One example I looooove because it is so visual is: If a fan is just being a fan and you stick your finger in it and get your finger cut off. is it the fan’s fault? I know, sometimes we wish it was the fan’s fault but we know it isn’t.
Growing is hard sometimes, growing pains they say. I would rather have growing pains though than stuck frustration and bitter resignation. We can control what we do and what we need to set ourselves up to be strong and healthy. Take the time to see, really observe if something isn’t working and ask, “what is my lesson here?”. Journal about it. Sit quietly with it. Do this month’s meditation and then quietly ask yourself, “what is my lesson.”
Listen, learn and grow. Ask for help and support.
Love you all!!!
Keep me posted and shared or reach out if you need to.